


The Artifact

by americanphancakes



Series: Phanlight Zone 2018 [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen, Magical Artifacts, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 17:52:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanphancakes/pseuds/americanphancakes
Summary: Dan wonders what Phil is up to, bringing home all those random antique items and storing them in a locked room...?Phanlight Zone installment number 3.





	The Artifact

**Author's Note:**

> Basically me going "what if one of the rooms in DnP's current flat is like a one-room Warehouse 13 and that's why we don't have a good idea of their apartment layout?"
> 
> Honestly, not sure how I feel about this one. More notes at the end. Interested in your feedback.

“Been antiquing again?” Dan asked as Phil wobbled in through the front door with a wooden mantle clock that appeared just slightly too large for Phil’s arms and, by extension, their actual mantle.

“Yeah! Just going to put this with the rest of my collection. Dinner after?”

“Sure.”

Phil’s “collection” had to be ridiculous at this point, Dan thought. Not that he ever saw it. It was kept behind a locked door. Dan was never allowed in that room, Phil’s excuse being “I’m clumsy enough already; besides, you don’t know how important that stuff is.”

Dan figured Phil was getting insanely good deals and holding on to all of it because it was valuable. Or perhaps they were would-be museum pieces and he was way more into English history than Dan realized. He had no idea. Just another quirky Phil thing, Dan guessed.

Phil left the room after a long while of doing god-knows-what with that new clock, and they headed into the kitchen. They made a nice stir fry for dinner, and watched some anime, and just generally had a peaceful evening as usual. Nothing was amiss.

Phil retired for the evening, standing and stretching and patting his pocket to make sure his key was on him. And that was when Dan realized that when Phil exited his collection room earlier in the evening, he hadn’t seen Phil lock the door.

Phil went to bed, and Dan waited several minutes, browsing the web on his laptop for some time before being sure Phil must be asleep. A light snore coming from the bedroom was all Dan needed. Overcome with the curiosity of a mischievous child, he set down his laptop as gently and quietly as he could, and stood up.

He crept along the lounge floor, towards the hallway that led to Phil’s collection room. A bit of the floor creaked under the ball of his foot at one point, causing Dan to pause and look towards the bedroom to make sure Phil hadn’t awakened. Keeping his breaths as even and low as possible, he reached for the doorknob of Phil’s collection room, grasped the cold metal in his hands, and gave it a slow turn.

_ Click. _

The doorknob passed that point of resistance and Dan knew he was in. He gasped with delight -- he  _ never _ thought he’d have this opportunity. Excitedly but cautiously, he pushed the door open.

It creaked softly for a quick instant before the room, and all its apparent treasures, were sparkling in the moonlight, on display for Dan to see. Indeed, Phil had amassed quite the collection of old tools, decor items, and knickknacks over the years. The room had shelves and shelves of them and Dan felt a bit like Sebastian in  _ The Little Mermaid _ seeing Ariel’s collection for the first time. The sheer quantity was amazing, and yet he himself could not see the value in any of it.

That didn’t stop Dan from poking at the items on display, however. He didn’t turn the overhead light on lest he awaken Phil, but the small lamp on the desk was plenty for his purposes. 

For the most part, the items in Phil’s collection seemed perfectly innocent and innocuous. An old phone was in space 3 on the shelf labeled “A1,” a folding ruler lay in space 6 on a shelf labeled “C3.” Dan found a magnifying glass with an ornate handle in space 4 on shelf D2. It was the only item he’d seen so far that didn’t seem to have dust around it, as though it was often used. He figured it wasn’t too harmful to pick it up and take a closer look at it. He carefully lifted it -- it was surprisingly heavy -- and he held it in front of his face.

And that was when his perception of this entire room changed.

In two ways, actually -- the room, in general, now had a purpose that Dan had some basic idea of. These items were definitely no ordinary items. Phil was hoarding them for a reason - either to use them or protect them, he didn’t know, but these items were very powerful. And he knew that because this magnifying glass put some sort of halo over everything. They were like heat signatures, but not. He couldn’t tell what this magnifying glass was telling him, but it was showing something. Something colorful -- some items had yellow auras, some violet, some green. Nearly every color but red, although there were a few orange and pink ones. These auras only surrounded the items on the shelves, not the shelves themselves. Nor Phil’s computer desk. Nor the computer itself.

_ The computer. _

Dan put the magnifying glass down and walked over to the old, modest PC that Phil had set up in here. He moved the mouse and the monitor suddenly came brightly to life. On it, Dan could see a spreadsheet. The columns were labeled thus: “Photo,” “Name,” “Date Collected,” “Location,” “Apparent Function.” For the most part, the data in those columns were exactly what they sounded like. Walking stick. January 20th, 2008. A8-1. 

But when Dan read the apparent function of this walking stick, it had nothing to do with walking. “Manipulates animals?” the table cell read. “Apparently only mammals. Appears to work on dogs, squirrels, cats, etc. Does not work on pigeons, lizards, or frogs. Further testing required. UPDATE June 10, 2010: Worked on human. UPDATE June 11: Appears to affect memory.”

Dan scrolled through the spreadsheet looking at more of the item descriptions.

“Folding fan. April 20, 2015. L4-12. Generates abnormally strong burst of wind. Able to push human subject forward with enough of a flap in subject’s direction.”  
“Vase. December 2, 2011. H2-9. Self-stirs any liquid inside. Possibly good for mixing more volatile things. UPDATE December 4: It is not.”  
“Camera, unbranded (Model could not be ID’d by salesman at camera shop). August 15, 2014. D1-7. Appears to steal energy from subject and transfer it to photographer.”

Dan shook his head, pitying the poor human subjects he tested some of these things on. 

“Letter opener. May 21, 2012. K2-2. Any stab wound inflicted with it instantly heals. Good for intimidation. Human subject felt a good deal of pain; no sign of injury left behind. Not sure if because of subject’s power or the letter opener. UPDATE: Tested on self. Definitely the letter opener.”

_ Yikes. _

He continued to scroll through the list until one of the pictures in the “Photo” column… _wait. No. That’s not possible,_ Dan thought. His breath suddenly caught in his throat and he felt himself go pale.

Name: Daniel James Howell  
Date Collected: October 19, 2009  
Location: N/A; protected.  
Apparent Function: The only one strong enough.

Dan backed away, and remembered the magnifying glass. He ran to it in desperation, remembering that only the items on the shelves had that colored glow. He held the glass up to his face, and then held his free hand up on the other side of the glass.

A red aura surrounded his hand, tiny dots of energy radiating off him like bits of ash or sparks from a flame.

“Oh my god,” he muttered in a panic to himself. ‘The only one strong enough,’ it had said.  _ The only one strong enough for what? _ Dan’s face fell when he realized what it could be.  _ No, please no. _ The manipulative walking stick, the fan, the camera, the letter opener… was he the only one strong enough to withstand testing or something? “What the fuck?!” he said aloud.

“I knew you’d find out eventually,” Phil’s voice came from behind Dan.

With a start, Dan gasped and pivoted quickly, seeing Phil in the doorway. He hurriedly put the magnifying glass back in space D2-4. “Phil!” he exclaimed. “I-- I can explain, I was just…”

“Clumsy and forgetful as I am,” Phil sighed, “I’m shocked I haven’t forgotten to lock the door before tonight. It’s okay, Dan. You’re not in trouble.”

Dan, suddenly realizing how scared he was of Phil -- Phil, who had all these… artifacts, all these objects with weird magic powers that he’d possibly been testing  _ on him _ for years -- was without the capability to properly form words. He was frozen with terror despite Phil’s apparent attempt at calming him.

“Please don’t be afraid,” Phil said. “I won’t hurt you. I promise. Not that it would matter if I tried, anyway...”

“But… but you… what is this? What are you doing with all these things!?”

“It’s my job,” Phil said. “My real one. I am the keeper, collector, and cataloguer of all the most powerful objects in existence. And… as you’ve no doubt noticed… you are one of those things.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this fic is like... definitely more of a "chosen one" fantasy/sci-fi type setup rather than an actual horror story. I feel like the reveal is creepy but it also has an inherent wondrousness to it that keeps it from being properly scary (even though what Phil has done to Dan over the years is horrifying and violating, to be sure). 
> 
> I'm not sure which thing comes across more - the "whoa Dan is a magical being of some sort and doesn't even know it and Phil has a bunch of magical stuff wwhhoooooaaa" feeling or the "what the fuck Phil is part of this insane magic world and has been using Dan as a test subject for magical artifacts what the fuuuuuuccck". 
> 
> So yeah let me know which of those two things you came away with more of, I guess? This is definitely one of those "need feedback, not sure what I did here" moments that I, as a writer, expected more of to be honest.


End file.
